The road to hell is paved with good intentions

Such a tired and worn out cliche.
'The road to hell is paved with good intentions'... Guess what, it's more true than I ever before realised.
Over the last few months I've been getting to know an amazing girl. Slowly but surely we've been getting closer, opening up more to eachother. Each night I'd spend 4 hours talking to her on skype, only stopping when I realised I had work in 3 hours.
She was on my mind morning day and night. I woke up thinking of her, I worked with her in my mind's eye and she was my last thought before sleep took me into blissful nothingness. I had done it again, I had fallen for someone. This in and of itself is not so rare for me, despite being at times seemingly cold, heartless and calculating I lead my life primarily based on my emotions.

The best way to describe my general mentality, at least regarding matters of the heart, is leap before you look.
Don't think, don't fret, don't worry, just close your eyes and run in headfirst. See where you land. Oddly enough, so far this mindset has led to me remaining single since my first and last relationship. Odd.

Anyway, on to the topic at hand: I fell for her. I'd never met her, all I ever saw of her was 1 picture which was at best unclear. I fell for her, based on her. Based on who she was, her personality, her flaws and her strong points, her spirit. I don't think I've ever felt more closer to any single person. She reminded me of myself in so many ways, and as I got to know her she proved she was every bit as amazing as I expected her to be, and more.

Despite all her strife, her troubles, her pain, she kept going. She had grown up more than most 'adults' I know in a relatively short lifetime. This was someone who had learned from falling and standing back up. This was someone who had been forced to 'grow up' by her environment, and carried her burden in stride without a complaint. This was someone I could admire, this was someone who would not let herself be stopped by anything less than Armageddon.

I always considered myself a good person. Coarse, blunt, anything but subtle, but in the end a good guy. How mistaken I was. This is what the title refers to:
In my contact with her, I had nothing but the very best of intentions. I never lied, I comforted her when she needed it, I joked with her when she needed her mood brightened, I thought I acted in her best interest, even going so far as to ignore my own benefits in favour of hers. I thought I could make her see that I was in fact not 'just like everyone else'. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I was anything but 'just like everyone else'.

More the fool am I. I ended up hurting not only her but another girl as well, I did exactly what she feared I would do. I turned out being, in fact, just like everyone else.

For all my good intentions, for all my vain and idle thoughts of myself, I ended up exactly nowhere.
I'd hurt 2 people I care about, I lost every last bit of respect they had for me, I lost them completely.
All my good intentions led to, was bringing myself another step closer to my own personal hell. In all honesty, after the slightest bit of introspection, I can't say anything other than that I deserve it. Let me burn in the fires of my own failure, knowing that for all my chestthumping about how good a person I am, I am nothing better than anyone else. Worse than that, worse than anything that could ever happen to me, I let her down. I disappointed her, I got her hopes up and then crushed them in one single motion.
I hurt her worse than what I would wish upon the vilest of vile.
If I could, I would take her pain for myself. I would suffer in her place. These are hollow words though, because I can't make her pain mine. The best I can do, is prevent any further harm to her.
I can disappear out of her life. The loss of this amazing girl, this kindred spirit, this soulmate shall be my hell.